I've had this conversation with a few people lately... and it's sparked a lot of thinking. Understanding that there are varying degrees of friendship, these conversations have got me thinking about my past relationships/hookups/indiscretions.
I don't really speak to anyone that I used to call "boyfriend", although am not on bad terms with any of them. When the relationships ended, there were hard feelings with some, which took time to heal, and now, for the most part, we are silent participants in each others lives, thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook. We exchange the obligatory birthday wall post and occasional comment to a funny photo, and that's it. One continues to pester and try to push buttons, and thankfully I have reached a place where I refuse to tolerate it, and wish he would just forget my email address. He also recently said he'd be fine with seeing me since he knows there is no attraction on either side. Well, did it ever occur to him that I might not want to see him? No hard feelings, but really, what would be the point of this encounter?
The hookups and indiscretions are always slightly (and by slightly, I mean extremely) volatile, at least in my case. A one night stand is not a one night stand if you have mutual friends. I learned that the hard way, more times than I would like to admit. It's awkward, and it takes a lot of effort on both sides to make it not awkward, and if one side doesn't put in the effort, well, fuck it. Not worth my time. But I did learn something, and it's that sexual chemistry does NOT equal compatibility.
I don't think I ever could be super close friends with an ex, unless by some miraculous event we both managed to put everything behind us and move forward, and as great and perfect as that sounds, you never really know when the feelings might crop up again, even if just on one side. It's a risk both parties have to recognize, and be completely willing to take. I just don't think I have that much faith in someone who most likely broke my heart.
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The only way you can be cool friends with an ex is if you pretend your relationship didn't happen. You never discuss it even jokingly like "Remember that time..." It's just a bad day you forget and move past (even if that bad day lasted years).
ReplyDeleteI disagree b/c the relationship did happen and that's something you can't erase. It's not like Eternal Sunshine when you can delete the whole thing. But I do think, learning as of late, that it is indeed possible to be friends with exes, but it will take some major away time, more so if the parties involved are in the same circle. It's only natural. Why get a constant reminder of something that caused an enormous amount of feelings, good and bad?
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